Anyone with dogs will like this.
Oct. 31st, 2007 08:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
loveofgreysA Message To My Dog and Human Friends - Must Read!
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - snout height. Dear Dogs: The
dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are
mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my
plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do
I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. Our house was not designed
by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the next room is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy
anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think
I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can
actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep
perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also
know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a
secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to
get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, growl, etc. or try to
turn the knob. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been
using the bathroom for years --canine attendance is not mandatory. The proper
order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this
enough! To pacify you, my dear dogs, I have posted the following message on our
front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Dogs:
1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes,
stay off the furniture. (That's why it's called 'fur'niture.) 3. I like my dogs
a lot better than I like a lot of people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, they
are my adopted children. They just happen to be short, hairy, walk on all fours
and whine & growl instead of speaking like you do. Remember, Dogs are better
than kids because they: 1. Eat less 2. Don't ask for money all the time 3. Are
easier to train (???) 4. Usually come when called 5. Never ask to drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 8. Don't worry
about having to buy the latest fashions 9. Don't wear your clothes 10. Don't
need a gazillion dollars for college, and 11. If they get pregnant, you can just
sell their children if you want to.
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - snout height. Dear Dogs: The
dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are
mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my
plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do
I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. Our house was not designed
by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the next room is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy
anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think
I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can
actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep
perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also
know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a
secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to
get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, growl, etc. or try to
turn the knob. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been
using the bathroom for years --canine attendance is not mandatory. The proper
order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this
enough! To pacify you, my dear dogs, I have posted the following message on our
front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Dogs:
1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes,
stay off the furniture. (That's why it's called 'fur'niture.) 3. I like my dogs
a lot better than I like a lot of people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, they
are my adopted children. They just happen to be short, hairy, walk on all fours
and whine & growl instead of speaking like you do. Remember, Dogs are better
than kids because they: 1. Eat less 2. Don't ask for money all the time 3. Are
easier to train (???) 4. Usually come when called 5. Never ask to drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 8. Don't worry
about having to buy the latest fashions 9. Don't wear your clothes 10. Don't
need a gazillion dollars for college, and 11. If they get pregnant, you can just
sell their children if you want to.
